Blah di dah

  Well its been a while since my last blog and to tell you the truth there isn't much good to report. I feel like I've hit a stale point in this experiment. Since I haven't been blogging regularly I noticed that I have been cheating myself a little more and making lousy excuses like " ahhhh I'll make up for that in tomorrows walk" kind of like I did when I was younger and I would stuff myself at supper and tell my friends..." it's ok...I have dancing " lol ummmm no its not ok !!! Exercise is not an excuse to over eat or eat unhealthy choices....exercise doesn't stop the damage going on inside which will inevitably give me diabetes if I don't watch myself :(
  So why am I breaking bad again ? I am looking at the possibilities and there is a pattern if one looks closely enough. Lets examine .....

1. Though I haven't declared defeat....I am trying to keep a positive outlook on this whole loss of a job posting but having a work schedule meant being on a schedule for other things as well....also meant I wasn't home to binge...I was at work sticking to my pre-planned health nut lunches. Also less money means back to the strict grocery budget and any one who has attempted to cleanse their cupboards will tell ya its far more expensive to eat healthy then to buy bulk junk food....and then we wonder why the world has an obesity problem !!!
2. This weather is enough to make a person down spiral into depression...if this keeps up I'm going to be popping vitamin D pills like tic tacs....bring on the sun already !!! mamma needs a tan and some 80 degree pool water to do laps in !! Honestly I haven't been walking as much in this crap and I still haven't found a fun indoor alternative that I can do and not spend a lot. I'll say it again....I miss zumba !!!
3. I still haven't made my goals list for June. I have an ideal of what needs to be on it but until I actually write it down I wont have the will to accomplish it....don't know why but if its written it will be done....that's how I get my house work done too and it works !!
4. I'm also unhappy to admit that I have some personal burdens on my mind. I wont go into detail but I know that when these feelings creep up on me they become very time consuming....I spend a great deal of the day worrying and then my sleep becomes interrupted as well...I have awful dreams and I wake up pissed off or sad depending on the twisted story line. I know that from past experience when I get these feelings its usually for a good reason...one that reveals itself in time but I am hoping that during this process I will not let myself get so worried that I eat my troubles away....I want to channel this fear and anger into something else that will help me build strength and more confidence....not sure what that is yet but when I think of something I'll  let you all know :)

So there it is..my theory as to why I have lost momentum and even though some of these issues are serious and need to be dealt with and others just rely on the generosity of good old mother nature I cannot use them as an excuse to claim defeat !!! I have to find a way to look past all the distractions and fight for the one true thing...me !!! No one else is going to save me...although encouragement, a fire lit under my ass or even just a swift kick will be welcomed !! I need to work on that goal list...maybe accomplishing some things that are important to me will give me the boost I need to get back on track.
Now as of today I am going to try to get through the week without any junk food, no skipping vitamins, and start that list !!! I am also going to try and blog a bit more because when I am out of touch with it I feel like I am not obligated to keep my promises but if I know that any screw up I make I will be truthfully updating on here then I will be encouraged to only want good things to say and not just cry about how I tripped and fell into a box of drumsticks and then climbed out on bag of licorice....hehehe oops !!!